Fanfic: Absence Makes The Heart... (1/1)

[smokingmirror]

Title: Absence Makes The Heart...
Author: Avarice
Rating: PG
Pairing: Angel/Buffy
Spoilers: Set between A:tS episode Sanctuary and BtVS episode The Yoko Factor.
Summary: Angel relives his explosive confrontation with the Slayer.
Word Count: 873
Date First Posted: -
Date Revised - 10-05-2011
Beta: -
Awards: -
Notes: Utilises dialogue grabs from Sanctuary. Angel POV.
Feedback: always welcome, as is constructive criticism.

 

(( "I know Faith did some bad things to you-" ))

 

{{ "You can't possibly know." }}

 

(( "And you can't possibly know what she's going through." ))

 

{{ "And of course, you do? - I'm sorry. I can't be in your club; I never murdered anybody." }}

 

 

 

No right. She has no right to say that to me. In my room. In my home. In my town.

 

No. Right.

 

Every right.

 

It's true. What she said. I know what Faith is going through, by virtue of the fact I lived her exact pain for one hundred years. And paid for it with another five hundred year stint in Hell.

 

But she has no right to come to my town, walk into my home, smelling the way she does, looking the way she does, those big dewy eyes staring at me, stripping away the layers of clothing and dead flesh...

 

... and not see me.

 

 

 

{{ "You needed - Do you have any - idea what it was like for me to see you with her? That you went behind my back..." }}

 

(( "Buffy, this wasn't about you! This was about saving somebody's soul. That's what I do here, and you're not a part of it. - That was your idea, remember? We stay away from each other." ))

 

 

 

No right.

 

No right to barge in and claim that her feelings are more important than mine. Has my time away from her changed me, changed her... changed us both so much that confronted with each other again, it's like looking at a stranger?

 

How could she not trust me?

 

 

 

{{ "I came here because you were in danger." }}

 

(( "I'm in danger every day. You came because of Faith. You were looking for vengeance." ))

 

{{ "I have a right to it." }}

 

(( "Not in my city." ))

 

 

 

No right.

 

No right to turn up and pass judgement over me when the past year has seen some of the hardest times I've ever had to face.

 

Battles fought, friends dead, dreams given form and then ripped away before being fully realised...

 

The past eight months has been greater than the sum total of six hundred years of guilt and torment, and she thinks she can judge me?

 

Me?!

 

Who has been putting himself on trial and sentencing himself to a lifetime of misery, pain, solitude and anguish decades before she was even born?

 

 

 

{{ "I have someone in my life now. That I love. It's not what you and I had - it's very new. You know what makes it new? - I trust him. - I know him." }}

 

 

 

No right.

 

No right to fucking attack me and then decide that telling me all about her new boytoy is going to clear the air between us. How the hell can she forget so quickly who I am... to forget how well she knows me?

 

Not any more.

 

She looks at me now and sees a stranger -- an interloper in her now perfectly happy world. I am but a shadow from a time she has long-forgotten to be a part of her.

 

Funny thing about shadows. Everything's fine when you have one. Even if you don't pay attention to it. Even if you forget it's even there.

 

But once you discover that it's missing... suddenly that is enough to get you curious in it again.

 

 

 

(( "That's great. It's nice - you moved on. - I can't. ))

 

 

 

No right.

 

No right to forget me when all I've got to do is close my eyes and she is there.

 

A person may be able to forget about their shadow, but the shadow can never separate itself completely from the one who generates it -- whether it be the actual person, or just memories.

 

 

 

(( "You found someone new - I'm not allowed to, remember?" ))

 

 

 

No right.

 

No right to shove her wonderful new existence in my face and expect me to fucking congratulate her on doing exactly what I told her she had to.

 

 

 

(( "I see you again it cuts me up inside and the person I share that with is me!" ))

 

 

 

Especially when I'm never going to be able to find true peace.

 

Ever.

 

 

 

(( "You don't know me anymore. So don't come down here with your great new life and expect me to do things your way." ))

 

 

 

No right.

 

No right to tell me how to run my life.

 

Especially seeing as how she doesn't want to be a part of it anymore, unless it appears that I'm moving on.

 

Then let's just see what past we can dredge up to put the healing process back a few steps.

 

 

 

(( "Go home!" ))

 

 

 

No right.

 

No right to just turn up and blatantly show me how much I'm no longer a part of her world.

 

 

 

{{ "See? - Faith wins again." }}

 

 

 

No right.

 

No right to be the one to walk away from this. To be the one to leave me standing here.

 

To leave without making it better.

 

 

 

(( "Go." ))

 

 

 

No. Right.

 

~finis