Fanfic: Possession (1/1)

[smokingmirror]

Title: Possession
Author: Avarice
Rating: G
Pairing: Angel/Buffy
Spoilers: - To Shanshu In L.A.
Summary: An old friend visits Sunnydale.
Word Count: 1790
Date First Posted: 2000
Date Revised - 13-05-2011
Beta: -
Awards: -
Notes: Sappy angst! Is there such a thing? Song is Possession by Sarah McLachlan.
Feedback: always welcome, as is constructive criticism.

Listen as the wind blows

From across the great divide

Voices trapped in yearning

Memories trapped in time

35 years.

It was 35 years to the night that the man standing under the weeping willow -- outside the small, low-set brick house in the small Southern Californian town -- had been knocked down in an alley, and an already strange existence had gotten stranger.

The man's handsome, youthful face changed expressions ever so slightly. His features took on a wistful edge, and dark brown eyes -- almost black in the night -- sparked with memories from a lifetime ago, but still as fresh as if they happened yesterday. Memories of a century of misdeeds and horror, followed by another of guilt and anguish, all but obliterated by one, tiny girl.

A girl who'd oft held the fate of the world in her painted hands.

His mortal enemy.

His greatest love.

His most revered possession.

His life, his beloved, his everything.

His no more.

The man relinquished his burning gaze from the window of the small house to close his eyes and feel the sting of times gone with the images that flit past his closed lids. Memories of warm caresses and impassioned kisses. Of heat that warmed his cold body like nothing else in this world could. Of whispered endearing words and slow dances at the local club.

Of a magical night when the world stopped turning just long enough for them to forget his two former companions' destructive agenda, and they came together, and their souls touched, if only briefly.

Unbidden, his mind turned from that moment of perfection to the horror, punishment and guilt that he lived through from that moment on.

And night is my companion

And solitude my guide

Would I spend forever here

And not be satisfied

He opened his eyes and refocused on the window, forcefully pushing back the most painful of recollections. The man wore his loneliness as one would wear armour. Instead of seeking out companionship these last decades, after the deaths of various friends, he became the recluse he had once been.

Oh, he had tried to keep his slowly developing humanity, but one could only take so much heartbreak. It was still there, he still helped people, saved souls and all that, but now more than ever, there was a blankness in his eyes. He had reached the point where he had lost just one too many colleagues, and a part of his heart left with each one that departed.

Not that there was much left to pick at, after having to leave the love of his immortal soul and everyone he'd called 'friend' for three years -- even after what he'd done.

Not much left at all.

But he still did it. Fought the good fight and all.

And now he was at the same place, on the same night, at the same house he visited every few years, although the time between visits had been getting longer and longer.

A light flicked on inside and he reflexively drew back into the shadows more, never removing his unwavering gaze.

Through this world I stumbled

So many times betrayed

Trying to find an honest word

To find the truth enslaved

She had that feeling again. The tingle in her blood, and tiny hairs on the back of her neck stood to attention. It had been at least 8 years since that had happened. She was tempted to pull back the curtains and take a look outside, just to check, but she didn't.

The woman who Time had been most fortunate to -- despite life's experiences -- walked over close to the window and the light switch, where the feeling of being... observed... intensified. She glanced back at the curtains and flicked on the light. A bright orange glow warmed the room with its welcome illumination, sparkling off the dozens of white smiles that were frozen behind prisons of glass, wood and metal.

Memories of her days as an adolescent came flooding back as she observed the photographic evidence of her teenage years.

Friends. Family.

Lovers.

She picked up one photo of her and a tall, handsome man with spiky dark hair taken at the local club, long since closed. A friend had taken it unbeknownst to her while they had been sitting at one of those impossibly small tables, hands clasped, heads together, trying to talk over the din; a moment of normalcy in their abnormal lives. Eyes crinkled at the corners as she smiled and touched his glass-covered features, skimmed delicate fingertips over masculine features.

Reflexively, she rubbed her neck at the juncture of the shoulder, where two faded white marks still appeared. It was as if her body refused to completely heal up the evidence of his existence, his touch.

She brushed fingers over the slightly roughened skin.

And remembered.

You speak to me in riddles and

You speak to me in rhymes

My body aches to breathe your breath

Your words keep me alive

Images of an impossibly handsome man who appeared out of nowhere to cryptically give her assistance before disappearing into the shadows flit through her mind. Of the terror that struck her when he turned out only to be her sworn enemy. And then...

...to let him come close. Let him inside, and by the same token, watch as he opened up to her. To find out he was her fondest dream come true.

To give willingly to him something she could only give once in a lifetime, in one of the most important nights of her life. A night where she truly got a glimpse of heaven for the first time in her young life.

Even despite the despair that followed, nothing since -- not one event -- had truly been able to recapture the absolute spectrum of emotions that passed through her. And nothing was as potent as what followed. Fear. Horror. Sadness. Despair. Anguish. Heartache. Hope. Struggle. Desertion. Pain. Loneliness. Healing. Restart. Progress. Tentative. Unexplored. Kindling. Love. Trials. Trust. Acceptance.

Oh they had tried to make it work. But the joy at being loved truly and completely came at such a terrible price, neither could risk each other or the world for just one single moment of happiness.

No matter how much they wanted it.

Leaving was the worst and the best thing he could have done. Her new love was someone who she could be in the sunlight with. The woman stood in front of the curtained window and caressed the fabric, but never opening it.

But at times when she began to reminisce -- like now, alone with her thoughts -- she would give up that bright orb to embrace the night for all eternity, if only she could be with him one more time.

Into this night I wander

It's morning that I dread

Another day of no way out

The path I fear to tread

The shadow moved past the window and he held a much unneeded breath. In all the years he had visited, she had never once opened the window. He entertained whimsical notions that it was because she didn't know he was there, but deep down he didn't believe that for a second.

Either she really didn't know he had visited her for all these years, or didn't want to talk to him; being too much of a reminder of a painful past, or the connection -- which had once linked them with a force so tangible he could never hide from her, or vice versa -- had diminished so much she wouldn't be able to tell whether he was standing right next to her, let alone just outside the window.

He prayed to a deaf God that it was the first option. The others were just too unbearable to even contemplate.

Working for redemption wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Sure he never expected it to be a cakewalk, never expected it to be easy, but...

He had always hoped that the prophecy telling of his greatest dream come true would be fulfilled somewhere in her lifetime. That once he was the man she deserved, it would be like that magical day that was stolen from everywhere but his memory.

He was still waiting for his reward.

Three and a half decades for working for the Powers That Be, and he still waited for the day prophecies came true. The hope that he would be able to walk out into the sunlight to her was the only thing that kept him going.

He closed his eyes and saw her face etched there. Whether it be blinking or sleeping, he saw her.

He always saw her.

Into the sea of waking dreams

I follow without pride

Nothing stands between us there

And I won't be denied

The man gave an airless sigh. Why he tortured himself like this was anybody's guess. The outwards reasoning was to make sure she was still alive, healthy and safe. And most of all happy.

The real reason was something akin to not truly being able to give up his precious possession. Not in the sense of something to be lorded over and subject to each whim, but something cherished, guarded and loved forever -- no matter what.

But enough was enough.

It was long since past the time he should have let go. The lines of grief showed on his face, even though it hadn't changed much in close to three centuries. His lips were set firmly, and taking one last look at the shadowy form, the man turned, vowing never to physically see her again.

Just like that, he was leaving her again.

But he doubt this time that she cared.

A tear trekked down his marble-cold cheek, followed by another and another, as each step took him away. The only place he would see her now, would be in his dreams. In the sunlight, where there was no evil, and no curses, and no obstacles.

He walked away for the last time, weeping silent, icy tears.

And the curtain opened.

+ + + + +

And I will be the one

To hold you down

Kiss your soul

I'll take your breath away

And after I wipe away the tears

Just close your eyes...

+ + + + +

~finis