smokingmirror | Fanfic: Narrative (1/1) (Reply)

Title: Narrative
Author: Avarice
Rating: PG
Pairing: Fox/Collin
Spoilers: 'All The Stars' - see notes.
Summary: Collin has many doubts about his relationship.
Word Count: 505
Date First Posted: 16-06-2003
Date Revised: 26-05-2011
Beta: -
Awards: -
Notes: Collin POV. Stream of consciousness from Collin about all his insecurities. It refers a bit to a short comic no longer online that Sandra did around the time this was written, detailing a very low point in Collin's life where he tried to take his own life. This was around the time Fox was with Dinah, though the two events are unrelated. The result is that Collin is very skeptical of relationships and suffers from much self-doubt. Sadly, I know how the story does end up. :(
Feedback: always welcome, as is constructive criticism.
Also Archived At: LJ

Once upon a time... isn't that how all stories start?

All stories that are apparently worth telling, or so we're led to believe.

Once upon a time there were two friends who fell in love. They made each other happy, but it couldn't last forever. Right?

Things like that just don't happen.

I've never given my heart to anyone before this. There was a time I had another hope, but I don't think about it except to use it as an example of how fucked a situation like this can turn out.

Love can fucking destroy you. It ain't no story book. Cinema has got something right -- it's painful. But unlike a lot of cinema, it doesn't always work in the end, just so some producer can lay claim to having the 'best romantic comedy of the year'.

Comedy is right; love is a joke. A lot of the time, it doesn't even have the decency to be straightforward and rip your heart out. It will dismantle you piece by piece until that's all that's left -- pieces.

But how would I know, right? I've never been in love...

...until now.

It was such a stupid thing to do. He wanted to seriously date me and I fell for it. I seriously fell for him. And now we're in a serious relationship.

My best friend, my only friend, and I'm in love with him.

How could we ever go back? Not that I would want to, but what if it didn't work out? What if he decided it wasn't working, and he thought we should just be friends?

I couldn't. I couldn't go back to that after this. I couldn't watch him hit on anyone; watch him walk away with someone else on his arm.

I'd die.

Do I keep kidding myself that someone else won't catch his eye? He's... sweet. Smart and thoughtful. His eyes are like stars set in midnight blue. His smile can disarm at 50 paces. He is a sexy creature; he fucks me and makes love to me, and knows when I need which one. He's the best friend anyone could want.

I don't claim to deserve him, but realistically, how long can I keep him for?

As long as I can. I'd keep him forever if he would have me that long.

And yeah, I'm a demanding bastard, I want to be his best. I don't know if that's possible, but I want it. For him to never even remember what it was like to be with anyone but me. Because I'm so perfect for him, or some shit.

It's a fairytale wish, but I can't help myself all the same.

Thing is, there are no fairytales. No glass slippers, helpful midgets or golden eggs.

There are only snakes and jackasses.

And Fox...

He says he's in love with me, and I believe him. I believe that he believes it. Maybe it won't always be like that, but for now, it's how it is.

This is the middle of the story, and I don't know how it ends yet.