Fanfic: Interludes And Examinations (REM Series 8/12)

[smokingmirror]

Title: Interludes And Examinations
Series: REM 8/12
Author: Avarice
Rating: PG
Pairing: Angel/Spike, Angelus/Drusilla/Darla, Drusilla/Darla
Spoilers: general BtVS s4/A:tS s1
Summary: Angel chases Spike to try and set things right.
Word Count: 3145
Date First Posted: 2001
Date Revised - 15-05-2011
Beta: Kita
Awards: Best fic in an ongoing series from Fabulae ML
Notes: One of my favourite installments from this series. All those little bits and pieces between present and past just seemed to fit together perfectly.
Feedback: always welcome, as is constructive criticism.

Angel paced, waiting for sunset. It had taken all of Wesley and Cordelia's negotiating skills (that and blocking the doorway) to get him not to jump in his car and directly chase his childe.

For one, they argued, Spike was in a hell of a mood; perhaps it wouldn't be prudent to wave the red flag at the bull just yet. Additionally, the blond vampire probably got quite singed during in his flight. As his secretary so bluntly pointed out, she wanted to work for a dead guy, not a pile of ashes.

So... Angel paced. And when he wasn't pacing, he was standing in the entrance to his office, staring forlornly at a book on his desk. His employees didn't ask, seeing the guilt etched deeply on the vampire's face.

Angel was glad they didn't. If he had to tell them how small and totally self-centered he'd been, he just couldn't handle the looks of disgust on their faces... No, he was ashamed enough without that from the people he cared about most.

There were a multitude of thoughts going through his head, which triggered even more emotions. Guilt, sadness, anger, remorse... you name it, he felt it. But nothing was more powerful than despair. It rested heavily like a cold, hard lump in the bottom of his stomach.

Angel had let his boy down again.

He sensed the sun go down just as it dipped over the horizon. It still stained the sky in the west a flaming orange, but the glowing ball in the sky was no longer visible. The dark-haired vampire turned towards the lift, intending to go down to his basement and grab his car keys.

That is, until he heard them tinkle behind him. Cordelia held them out, her concerned expression plainly readable. Wesley stood at her shoulder, silently echoing her worry.

"Here," she said simply, putting them in his hand, "go make it right."

"I-" Angel started, then stopped and sighed wearily, "thank you. I just... don't know if I can... ever."

"Angel, I understand this is some..." Wesley searched for the right words, "historical grievance. You cannot be held responsible for what you did to... er... Spike, when you were soulless." At Angel's blanch, he wrongly assumed it was in reference to mentioning the vampire's less than stellar years, and continued. "I know vampire relationships are... possessive to the extreme at best, and wildly violently at worst... but that's not you. And whatever you did then isn't your fault."

"No," Angel whispered, before becoming louder, "you're wrong, Wes. This isn't about anything to do with me before the curse. This is to do with something that happened after." The vampire looked away quickly, blinking back moistness in his eyes. He pulled his jacket off the coat rack and slipped it on while walking to the door.

"I... I don't understand... what did you do?"

Angel turned back then, and it was all he could do not to fall to his knees and bash the floorboards with his fists. His face looked drawn, and for the first time ever, every single year of his 246 of existence showed.

"I broke a promise."

+ + + + +

1861

The dark-haired vampire knew he'd find his childe in the grounds somewhere. Whereas he preferred somewhere lofty, like a balcony, or the roof of a building for quiet introspection, Will liked being as close to the ground as he possibly could. He still had yet to figure out why. Maybe it was because he'd been raised on the filthy streets of London, with its smog and pebbled streets, that sitting under a tree somewhere held its appeal.

Perhaps. It made sense. Angelus loved the altitude, and looking over all his surroundings, after the pathetically small and rural villages that made up Galway.

In the end, it did not matter where he was. Angelus would find him.

He stretched the kinks out of his neck. The evening so far had been... rather strenuous. They had traveled to Paris at Darla's behest. She was interested in meeting the new offspring of her Favourite. While somewhat hard to follow, he was confident his sire would like Drusilla. After all, her state was a testament to the Master Vampire Angelus had become in his own right. So he'd packed Dru and Will up, and they had traveled to France.

As he'd anticipated, Darla was suitably pleased with her attractive new grandchilde. So much so, that she'd wished to immediately get re-acquainted with Angelus, and had requested the presence of his new childe. The older man raised a dark brow almost imperceptibly. What about Will? But with one glance at his sire, she knew that if she'd wanted his company, it would have been specifically mentioned.

Will had been sullen for some time now, and this would by no means improve his mood. It had started when the young Catholic novice with the Gift had first caught his eye. Will had amiably gone along with him for a while, until his obsession became more and more consuming. It was about this time that William had taken to hunting alone. He'd started to hear the minions refer to his childe as 'Spike', and controlling his mood swings had become more and more difficult.

It concerned Angelus. This wasn't like his boy. He brushed it off as jealousy towards his new toy. And in the back of his mind, he knew it would be trouble when he brought the girl home, already a fledgling. He was right. Will disappeared for four days.

It was then that the vampire realised the extent of his childe's hurt. He sent minions out every night searching for his dark-haired lad, but to no avail. It was only when he chose to return that it was so.

The older vampire could not hide his relief when Will came home. He devoted a full day and night to his eldest, making sure that the younger man knew he had not been replaced.

Since then, it had been a struggle for popularity between his two childer, and Will would take any opportunity at all to spend time alone with Angelus, even if it meant going to an opera or a concert.

And he had been getting better, he really had. Drusilla's soft voice was kind of addictive, and Angelus found that William no longer immediately left the room if the girl was there by herself. There was still sibling rivalry, and that much was to be expected, but the older vampire had hopes that one day they would like each other, even come to care for one another.

But this whole Darla situation was a major setback. The fact that his sire had quite overtly omitted Will's name from her invitation -- both to visit her in Paris, and to her chamber -- could only serve to revert progress. When Angelus had looked at his childe standing in the middle of the living room in Darla's residence, he had tried to convey through his eyes that that was not how he wished it, but he was unable to challenge.

It didn't help that Will refused to look any of them in the eyes. He'd just lit up a cigarette (much to Darla's disgust), muttered something about hunting, and then the door slammed shut behind him.

That was three hours ago.

Angelus left the townhouse the minute Darla gave her permission, more content to amuse herself with her new grandchilde. It wasn’t that being with his sire wasn't pleasurable; he was just worried what further effect that this was having on William. The vampire headed straight for the lush gardens adjacent to the building. The older man knew he was on the right track, as his senses had steadily pulled him in the direction of the apple orchards.

Presently, a wispy plume of cigarette smoke was visible between the trees and the silhouettes of two people were visible in the moonlight. Angelus' stride became longer and quicker. "Will!" he called out, but received no response. In no time, the younger vampire was positively identified, sitting with one of the young stable hands. A steady snarl began to build in the back of his throat until the reality of the situation became evident.

The young lad sat with his eyes closed, skin ashen. On closer inspection, the collar of the boy's shirt was soaked crimson.

"The name's Spike," he was just within earshot to hear the sullen reply. Angry that he'd allowed the presence of his childe's discarded meal to unnerve him, and being corrected with that abysmal nickname, he spoke in a much angrier tone than he intended.

"Takin' t' not cleaning up after yerself then, Will?"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

William inhaled smoke deeply, allowing it to warm his insides The blood of the two whores, the thief, his victim, and the stable hand was already cold in his system, it did his internal body temperature good. Smoking also helped pass the time, too, and kept his fingers busy.

He waited uncharacteristically patiently, gauging the exact moment before Angelus was ready to berate him to answer.

"He was pleasant enough company before I got hungry..." William said, watching as the cigarette he held burnt closer and closer to his fingers. Angelus grabbed it out of his fingers and flicked the butt away with precision.

"I thought I told ye not to wander off," the older vampire stated, his tone clipped.

William sighed surreptitiously. This was how it always was. Well, how it always seemed to be lately. Angelus called away to anyone's side... At least, anyone who wasn't him, and on returning, he acted like it was William's fault he'd gone. That was his sire's own little way of showing his guilt about leaving; making it seem like his problem eldest had run off, then having to go chase him, spank him soundly, and send him back home.

Will was tired of it.

He was tired of coming second best in the older vampire's esteem. He knew that Darla would always feature heavily in Angelus' life, and that she influenced a great deal of what he did. But when they were alone... that was purely his sire. And they had been mostly alone for the better part of 50 years. Even when they did meet up with Darla, she spent time fawning over him as well, and more often than not invited him as well as the dark-haired vampire to her chamber.

Will had gotten used to being the apple of Angelus' eye in that time. And he was not ready to give that up just yet. Not for Darla, not for that loony dark-haired bitch, not for anyone.

But it seemed he'd been taking second and third place a lot, recently. The implication of him not being invited on the trip anyway was not lost. Angelus had tried to keep the invitation vague, but Will knew when he wasn't asked for. As always, the thoughts of the two people he held in the highest were focused on Drusilla.

Drusilla. Drusilla. Drusilla. It was all they ever talked about. Okay, so she was all holy or something before being turned. Big effin' deal. Alright, there was that incident where she predicted various events concerning the dark supernatural underbelly of the world. Which was all well and good, so long as you could understand her nursery rhyme speech and talking to inanimate objects. Even the minions found it 'enchanting'.

Will wanted to heave.

If he'd known he meant so much to Angelus that an insane trollop like that could replace him in his sire's eyes, he'd have gone out on his own a long time ago.

But that was part of the problem. The night Angelus had brought Drusilla home, newly birthed into darkness and still vulnerable, William left. He packed one or two treasured belongings, and then left them behind, deciding on a completely fresh start. As far away from the influence of his sire as he could possibly get. A new continent perhaps? A new country at the very least.

He never got out of the city. It seemed the further away he went, the less appealing existence became. As it was, he traveled around London for a few days, drinking and killing, avoiding the minions sent out to retrieve him. About the bottom of his eleventh pint on the third night, he came to the no-so-astonishing conclusion that Angelus was the Way, the Truth, the Light, whatever other apocryphal nonsense his little contact with the Bible had impressed upon him.

However he looked at it, the meaning was still fairly clear. It only seemed blurry because of the amount of alcohol in his system.

Angelus Was Life.

Will was finding it harder and harder to stay away. His sire was like some sweet drug, and without him, he was bereft. Half a demon.

No one.

That was why he always came back.

That was why he never went anywhere Angelus wouldn't know where to look.

"I only ducked out for a meal," William answered, patting his jacket for another smoke.

Angelus remained silent as his childe found a cigarette, and began searching for a box of matches. Soundlessly, he pulled an engraved lighter from his pocket and threw it in William's lap. It took the boy slightly by surprise and he looked up.

He knew he was getting through to his sire when Angelus saw his eyes. For whatever reason, he'd never been able to lie to the older vampire. Always been able to read him like a book... it was infuriating and bloody inconvenient at the best of times, but now... now he wanted Angelus to see exactly what he was thinking.

Angelus' eyes softened and he lowered himself down next to William, cursing as the delicate material of his jacket rubbed up against the bark of the tree. Will snorted at the predictability. The older vampire snarled in irritation, which only made his childe laugh more. It had been so long since the younger man had been seen smiling, Angelus couldn't help but be affected. A small smile curled at his lips, which gave way to a soft chuckle.

Eventually, William quieted down and passed the lit cigarette deftly between his fingers. Unspoken words hung in the air like fog. Will thought he would never get the courage to speak up, until what was in the forefront of his mind just popped out.

"You said you'd never do this to me," he spoke softly in a tone that was both accusing and resigned.

"I-" for once, Angelus seemed lost for words, "I know, lad," he almost sounded regretful. "I dinna mean to. Y'do know tha', don't ye?"

William sighed and inhaled smoke into his lungs. "I know," he breathed out.

Angelus turned, piercing the side of his childe's head with his intense gaze until the younger man turned to meet his eyes. "Will, there’ll no’ be a night where I wilna come back t' ye. It dinna matters who calls me away, I'll always return t' ye."

Will's blue eyes filled with an all-encompassing hope. "Promise?"

Angelus' handsome features broke into a smile. "Aye." He reached up and ran a finger down his beautiful childe's face, from the highest point of his cheekbone, down the slender pale neck to just underneath his collar. William stuck the cigarette in the corner of his mouth and grinned. He reached into his lap and picked up the lighter, but Angelus stopped his hands in their tracks.

"Keep it. Ye're always losin' yours. Mayhaps y'wilna lose something with any actual value." Will chose to ignore the insult at the prospect of getting something out of it. He crowed at his new possession in triumph.

"Now, while I'm down here..." Angelus continued, his hands still in William's lap, a dangerous smile curving his lips.

If it was possible, the younger vampire's grin grew.

+ + + + +

On. Off. On. Off.

Spike flicked his lighter. He only had a few smokes left, and wanted to save them for a bit later, so this was the only other thing he could think of to keep his hands occupied. As a matter of fact, this little action was the only thing that kept him from finding a suitable tree branch and hurling himself onto it.

On. Off. On. Off.

He amused himself by setting anything alight in his immediate vicinity that was flammable, but did not have the capability to blow up in his face. Spike sighed and slipped further down in the park bench. The click and hiss of the gas igniting was somewhat soothing.

On. Off. On. Off.

On.

Live.

Off.

Die.

On.

Reborn.

Off.

Dust.

On.

Sire.

Off.

Soul.

Spike ran his thumb affectionately over the silver lighter. It was an antique by now, but he'd taken good care of it, and it was still in top working order. Its cool metal was smooth, except for the slight ridges made by its delicately engraved picture. The bleached blond bit his lip and looked down at the intricate swirls and lines that made the griffin.

On.

Forgiveness.

Off.

Enmity.

Angelus broke his word. He swore he would never do it, made fervent promises, and broke them all again. And again. And yet again.

When was Spike going to learn?

On.

Always.

Off.

Never.

Spike knew he would be found. Nothing would prevent that. The souled version of his sire was as single-minded and anal as the unsouled. There was something as comforting about that as it was infuriating. It didn't matter where he went, Angel would find him. So he could mope

On.

Here.

or

Off.

There.

It made no difference. Sunnydale didn't hold much appeal. He'd rather not be seen being scolded like a small child by all his enemies if he could bloody well help it. Enough people had seen him cry for ten lifetimes.

If that thought somehow jogged his memory, Spike wiped his face violently, ridding his cheeks of every last tear. There would be no more, he decided. Ever. He'd shed enough tears over people who didn't care about him for twenty lifetimes.

Spike took a cigarette from his dwindling supply and lit it, snapping the lighter closed resolutely. He gauged it to be around 10pm.

This had to end. He was sick and tired of chasing after phantoms of Angelus. The bastard was going to come to him, and it was going to be finished once and for all.

The blond vampire decided to stay in the park until his sire found him. Or until the sun rose. Whichever came first.

Either way, he didn't really have anything to lose.

On.

Sunrise.

Off.

Sunset.

On.

Sunrise.

Off.

Sunset...

~finis

on to Catharsis