Fanfic: Disposable Teens (1/1)

[smokingmirror]

Title: Disposable Teens
Author: Avarice
Rating: PG
Pairing: Fox/Dinah
Spoilers: pre FH as well as any appearances in BMB
Summary: Fox suffers some serious depression when Dinah leaves him in senior year.
Word Count: 2314
Date First Posted: 11-06-2002
Date Revised: 25-05-2011
Beta: Tink
Awards: -
Notes: Collin POV. I finally fixed it! There were some things in the way I wrote Stuart the annoying hall monitor that had been bugging me for YEARS, so I finally corrected them. Other than that, I've always been so happy with how the rest of this fic came out. This was my first FH (or rather, Fox and Collin) fic ever, as well. This means I've been writing about these guys for nearly 10 years. Wow. No wonder they feel like old friends. :)
Feedback: always welcome, as is constructive criticism.
Also Archived At: LJ

The last week of school. I couldn't believe it.

Thank fucking god.

It was an understatement to say I'd had enough, and I wasn't the only one. I didn't know who Fox had been channeling all week, but he would drive a Prozac addict to suicide.

It wasn't so much the depression -- though that rolled off him in waves.

It was the apathy.

He didn't speak unless spoken to, and even then, it was still a maybe. The mood swing from his normal dynamic self had drawn more attention than his usual asshole stunts. I knew our teachers had already given him the 'if you need to talk about anything, feel free to come to me' spiel.

I also knew right now, he could have his arm amputated and be gushing blood all over the floor, and he wouldn't ask for a band-aid. He just wanted to be left alone.

Which was probably why he wasn't in class right now.

Not that this past week had been anything more than bizarre punishment where teachers didn’t teach anything, but had mandatory class attendance. Admin was coming down hard on absentees, and it would suck if Fox weren't able to graduate just for fucking up the very last week.

I knew I should find him.

For all the rhetoric about classes still being compulsory and monitored attendance, nobody noticed when I walked straight out the door.

***

After about fifteen minutes of walking the deserted halls, I spotted a foot poking out from behind the locker wall near biology. There was no mistaking the heavy black boot with shiny metal plates he’d riveted himself in shop.

I rounded the corner and found my best friend. His back was to the wall; one leg stretched out, the other bent sharply. His hands rested palm up in his lap, like they were coated with something he wanted to wipe off. I couldn't see his face.

I stood there for about a little while, waiting for him to do something... anything, but he didn't. I hated having to make the first move.

"Fox."

There was another long moment where he didn't move, but I wasn't going to repeat myself. Eventually, he raised his head, but didn't look at me. He leant back against the metal of the locker. His eyes were rimmed red, but at least that was something other than nothing.

I'd never looked into his eyes before and found them as blank as they had been this past week. I'd never admit it to anyone, but that frightened the ever-loving fuck out of me.

And I wanted to scream at him, things I'd never ever say. Why did you let this happen to you? You are so strong, how could she break you like this?

I would have done anything to put feeling back into his eyes.

"I don't see the point," he said presently, knowing exactly what I was going to say. "It's the last week, they don't give a damn what we do."

"Yeah, but you know how fucked the system is," I replied, "they can withhold your marks and graduation certificate. Fascist bastards," I added, sneering.

There was another long silence.

"I don't care." Those words sent a chill down my spine. His voice was so hollow. It wasn't Fox.

"Do you want to get into college or not?" It wasn't a nice question, but I rarely asked nice questions. He didn't answer me straight away. It took almost two minutes for him to speak again.

"Why should I? Why should I do any of it?" his voice was so soft.

It struck me that I didn't really have an answer.

I took two steps forward and turned around, the vents of the locker juddering up my spine as I slid down to sit next to him. My left thigh brushed his right and our shoulders almost touched.

I stared straight ahead while Fox's head lolled against the locker. He had a boneless exhaustion to him.

Silence. More silence.

"Does anyone else know?" I asked.

He blinked and sighed. "No... It's not that I'm embarrassed... I just don't want all the questions."

Fox paused, a significantly softer sigh brushing his lips. "I don't have any answers, anyway."

I glanced at him. Honestly, I was very curious to know why. Fox rolled his head towards me, meeting my eyes for the briefest of moments before concentrating on his hands.

Fox shrugged. "I don't know... she said... different universities and... travel... and..." he moved slowly then, shoving the heel of his hand into his right eye socket, wiping hard.

"That's it?"

"It's not everything, I know it," he whispered vehemently. "But... I don't know what else,"

His breathing became more ragged. He then graced me with the first smile I'd seen in at least four days. It was bitter and sad.

"It's stupid, I know... but I thought we... I thought that you two would always... always..." he stopped then, grimacing angrily as his eyes began to get wet. His chest heaved more, air came in harsh gasps. His voice was thick with... pain.

Damnit, don't cry. Please don't cry.

"Hey," I tried to make my voice as low and soothing as possible, rubbing circles on his back as he leant forward, panting for air. He was doing that hiccup thing. Shit, I hated that hiccup thing. And tears, period.

Especially Fox's.

His fists rested on the ground holding his bodyweight up as he gasped and sobbed for air.

Was this it? Was this all I could do to make him feel better? Rub his back and murmur comforting sounds? Sad thing was, it was the truth. There was nothing more I could do to ease... anything.

I wanted to punch the locker because I just didn't do helpless. I always had a plan. And right now, I had sweet fuck all.

I guessed this was a prime example of why I should be grateful I didn't go through all of this godforsaken shit. I could tape a sign to his back that said 'this is why my best friend is asexual'. At times like this, though... I don't know, I get an uncomfortable ache in my chest.

Because I'd take it on, take it all on, if it meant he didn't have to.

I slowed the rubbing, patting his back when he coughed miserably, signaling the end to his crying jag. "Fuck, this is pathetic," Fox bit out, eyes boring holes into the ground.

I didn't answer, save to pull him back and let him rest on my arm. It still grated on... everyone... that Fox was the only one who ever breached my personal bubble. I wouldn't be caught dead hugging anyone else like that, or even thinking about it.

But it wasn't even second nature here, it was first nature.

He slid his right arm around my waist, half-inclining his head on my shoulder. I could feel his hair brush my left cheek. Fox's breathing was still erratic, but he was calming down, slowly.

"I don't get it," he said, warm breath on my collarbone. "Why?"

"I don't know, man. She's just a--" I stopped short of insulting her when I felt his body stiffen. Not a good sign. He still loved Dinah, and me calling her a bitch in the time honoured consoling friend response wouldn't exactly go over well.

Hell, he'd probably hit me.

"I don't know," I finished, sighing. The tension melted out of his body again. I rubbed his left shoulder absently. There'd be plenty of time for that later.

I'm not exactly sure how long we just sat like that. It could have been twenty minutes, but I think it might have been closer to half an hour. Occasionally small groups of people walked past. They paid about as much attention to us as we did to them.

With my free hand, I flipped open the box of Marlboros and retrieved a cig and my lighter. It was a clear plastic green thing on which Fox had scrawled 'smoking kills' in black marker. He had a matching blue one with my inscription of 'poseur.

I put the end in my mouth and breathed in, lighting it up. I took another drag before ashing it on the floor and offering it to him. His fingers brushed mine as he took the cigarette and inhaled deeply.

We passed it back and forth until it there was nothing left to smoke. Then I lit another.

He talked sometimes. Murmuring memories or feelings or just nonsense. He needed the sound. I just listened.

***

I think Fox had closed his eyes when we heard the shout.

"Hey!" The sound of lone footsteps in the hall made both of us sit up a bit straighter. I dropped my hand from his shoulder down to the small of his back, though Fox kept his right arm locked around my waist in a vice-like grip.

Great. It was a hall monitor. I think his name was Stuart. No visible badges of honour, but I could just imagine the fucking sash. Stuart ran up and stopped, panting. Dashing all of twelve metres must have really taken it out of him.

"Are you aware you're supposed to be in class right now?" he said with what I presumed was meant to be stern authority, but at best sounded whiny and petulant. Nose in the air, he sniffed. "Is that cigarette smoke I smell?" I rolled my eyes at Fox, otherwise not moving a muscle.

"Hello, are you deaf, or just stupid?" Stuart mocked, hands on hips. My head snapped up and I gave him a glare good enough to shrivel that brave stance somewhat.

"Collin..." he murmured, like it was some huge revelation. Okay, so people around school knew who I was, it's not like I went out of my way to be noticed by the plebs. "You guys aren't supposed to be here."

"Are you going to stop stating the obvious any time soon, or are there a few more things you're just dying to say?" I commented. Fox's body quivered against mine in a light chuckle.

He decided to take me up on my suggestion, again going for pathetic and banal. "What are you doing out here?"

"None of your goddamn business," I replied matter-of-factly.

"Oh, but it is," he said smugly. "You're breaking school rules. No one can be out here while there are still classes without a certificate from your teacher or the nurse. Failure to produce such a document will be reported to the administration." He seemed proud at having memorised his little speech. What did he want, a round of applause? Damn, and me without a medal to give him.

"Do you have one of these certificates?" he asked, knowing we couldn't, as he said, produce such documentation. Well, that would defeat the point of ‘skipping class’. "I'm afraid if you don't have the certificate, I'll have to report you to admin," Stuart said apologetically, taking out a notebook from his top pocket. Jesus fuck, what was he, a traffic cop?

"What is the reason for violating the hall rules?" Stuart asked expectantly, pencil poised over a blank page. Fox's fingers played against my side. He had stayed quiet throughout the entire exchange, but now seemed to be getting edgy.

This was just the shit he was trying to avoid.

"Again I say; none of your business."

"I have to know. Why are you not in class?"

It was about as much as I could take from the anally retentive prick. "I'm moping, fuckwad. My girlfriend left me."

Both Fox and Stuart gasped at my words, though the latter was much louder. He looked at me in shock. "But... but aren't you that guy who's a eunuch?"

"Asexual, cockjaw," I gritted out through my teeth, "I still have my fucking balls."

Stuart looked highly suspicious. "I thought you said you didn't go for that shit... you mean you've had a girlfriend all this time?" The muscles worked underneath my jaw, but I didn't say anything. Silence only incriminated me further.

He laughed then; the scornful sound of someone who thought they were smarter and better than they actually were. "Shit, man. You hypocrite!" Stuart shook his head, still laughing. His official report seemed to be forgotten then. Stuart gave me one last superior grin and ran down the corridor, probably to tell his whole class what a liar I was.

I couldn't care less.

It was then I became aware that Fox was looking at me -- really looking at me -- for the first time in days. I met his eyes steadily. They were red and still a little moist but no longer deep blue reflective pools. They absorbed what they were seeing.

They had feeling.

He gazed at me for a long moment. I didn't shirk away, or even blink. Finally, Fox dropped his head down, his left index finger poking me none too gently in the thigh.

"You know it's going to spread now, don't you," It wasn't really a question.

"Mm," I grunted.

I did something strange then. Ah, not so much strange as temporarily out of character. I'm not one for intimate physical touches, or emotional reassurance -- I generally want to yak -- but something made me cup the side of his face gently.

"It'll be alright, Kailen."

There was much more I wanted to say, but that seemed to encompass most of it for me. The rest was just details.

A ghostly smile crossed his lips. It was one of the best things I'd seen all day.

I disengaged myself from his embrace and got up, dusting off my khakis. The hall was empty once again. I held my hand out to him, to help him up. And he took it.

~finis